Quiet things that people should know

Cosmopolitan crisis...

2008-01-04T01:19:49+01:00

After spending my day doing too much of nothing and not enough of the coursework ive had over the past 3 weeks to complete, i think i have come to the realisation that if i did something all the time and spent no time doing nothing i would probably go insane. Im a frequent flyer to the state of Bordom.
I admittedly spend far too much time indulging in some kind of media, wether it be television or internet but after Sex And The City and Men In Trees,which has influenced my to think that the single girl in a big city with 'important' problems and 'distressing' dilemas seems like the future set out for someone like me.
With the self pity cloud sitting disguarded in the corner with the tolerance to abstain from alcohol, i can realisticly see myself as one of those Bridget Jones types. But i dont see that as a bad thing. With lives such as Bridget and Carrie glamourised by the media they seem fun, adventerous and almost limitless in terms of oppurtunities. But as a 17 year old living 30 minutes outside of London, with my mother, in a small railway cottage, attending a 6th form college, with a habit of drinking too much and not working enough, i am attracted to all things 'Glamour' and 'Cosmo'.
But in a world of extremes, normality seems out of the question and abnormality is increasingly taking over the place of the so called 'norm'.
I guess it would just be nice for the slightly fat and short one to get the boy, or the hot dude at work to have the romantic interest in the saturday girl that she has been glorifying in her mind for months, or even just for the trio of friends to not have the 'back up' friend to call if theyre out of booze.
But with all of those situations being as 'teen movie' as they are, the circumstance begs to ask can they actually be achieved or will the regualar version of the population be left to fantasise, hungry and alone watching american sitcoms?

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drunk on a box of wine = truth

2007-12-16T00:58:31+01:00

Due to the loyalty of my friends, i am drunk from nearly an entire 5 litre box of wine - to myself, my friend had a couple of glasses.
And due to my intoxication i feel that a rant/explosion of thought and or a confession is necassary.
But im still not 100% on what i should be saying, but then should i be saying anything or should i just be doing it?

Life does not allow the word EASY to become frequent. That is something that i cant write, no mater how intoxicated i am. With an entire bottle left for my use i feel that even though i am pissed i should still be capable of writing the truth.
But im not going to do it in a Daily Star fashion. My confession is as personal as any. It means something to me, and i am putting it down on the internet because i can, because it makes my truth immortal, no matter what i post here, it will always be.

And the truth. Oh, the truth. There is so much attatched to that one word it is to complex to go any further.
There are so many truths.
So many lies.
Both of which i am intimatley aquainted with.

And i think that is my confession, for now anyway...

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Single-ness reviewed

2007-12-07T01:09:26+01:00

It has come to my attention, as a single 17 year old that although there are many ups to being in a lovely and gratifying relationship, there are SO many more being single.
For instance, earlier this evening i went to a fashion show with 2 of my best friends, we drank champagne, we ate canapes and we mingled with some VERY attractive italian men who knew way to much about skin products to be straight. And in the this mist of versace laden men and skeletons dripping with couture i realised that if i were in a relationship, i would probably be with a +1, i wouldnt be flirting with fabulous italian men and i would not be looking as good as i did (if i do say so myself).
Right now, life shouldnt involve being held back by someone who may be affectionate and loving but ultimatley boring, it should be about more thursdays spent drinking and getting free goodie bags with alot of stuff in!!

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Reassuring rain

2007-11-22T01:13:15+01:00

Athough normally the sound of running water makes me want to pee so bad, the sound of rain outside and hitting the glass of the window is supprisingly reassuring. It makes me feel like no matter the situation inside the house, i still have my home to protect me from the cold or the wet. It's nice and comforting.
And after repainting my nails (in the dark but amazingly successful) and a fag i ponced off my brother that he still doesnt know about, the rain is a welcome attribute to the crappy week ive been having. Although i love the rain it just fits with my mood.
The fag chilled me out (im not a smoker, i barely have had any and i dont buy my own so i think it doesnt count ha! but i can understand why you could be).
The nails were chipped and faded and in dire need of a good paint job.
And to top it all off the rain occumpanied by mr Robbie Williams' cover of 'somewhere beyond the sea'.
A fine way to spend my time that should be spent sleeping. Or working but who does school work at gone 12? not me!!
With lava lamp in full flow and droopy eyelids sleep beckons, and right now, im not one to put up any kind of resistance.

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It is OK to be Single...maybe...

2007-11-19T21:43:11+01:00

After seeing my ex parade around, new girl friend in toe after all of about 3 days of our break up, i have made the conclusion that it is ok to be single. I hope.
We were together for 5 months, i didnt see him that much, he was VERY clingy, always asking if i was ok, was i alright? etc and he never shaved his bloody chin! The stubble burn was very itchy!
I am now on my own, but i can do what i want, flirt with whoever i want and its fun to be able to do those things.
BUT, i seriously miss kissing. Its strange but true, i miss it completely, the warmth, the intimacy, the simple feeling.
Damn him and his younger girlfriend (and thats saying something as im only 17).
I guess im just trying to convice myself that i dont need a boyfriend, no matter how much i miss kissing.

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damn damn damn damn

2007-11-13T20:35:30+01:00

I do not know what i can do.
I HAVE to go to uni, and Bournemouth looks soo good, but i got a D for maths, and all the courses i want to do have recommendations of at least a C in maths (WHY? THEYRE ALL FUCKING MEDIA COURSES!!)
I know that i still have another year of college but i really want to get in somewhere good!!! SO BAD!!!
I missed the chance to do a retake, but surely there must be a way around it!
I have a year to figure it out...
And in the mean time, im going to continue with my english coursework!
I WILL FIGURE IT OUT!!

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Some day i will be able to reach

2007-11-08T20:39:30+01:00

I think that there must be a point in everyones life when they are too tired of settling, longing from afar and not being able to reach what they hold to so tightly in their hearts. I think im getting to that point where i just want to say everything that i feel. I want to tell the guy i long for just how much he means to me, i want to tell my dad how pathetic he is sometimes, i want to tell my grandma that times have changed and just because i dont have a boyfriend does not mean i wont get married ever and i want to tell my ex just exactly why i broke up with him.
But i cant.
Mainly beacause i dont know how to.
How do i approach a conversation in which to potentially insult my family, embarass my friends and myself. But more importantly where do i pluck the courage to do it from? I've done roughly 3 truely couragous things in my life, one of which was when i was too young to understand the true gravity of the situation, one when i was bold enough to confront the matter and one where i could not do anything else but what i did. But the courage then was purely from adrenalin and fear.
But as i get older and i learn from my own silly mistakes i feel that the courage to do these things just doesnt manifest the way it used to.
By being too self concious of my self and how people will judge me im losing the ability to do what i should do, what i could do, but ultimately what i wont do.
Does this mean that i have to tackle my issues head on and wait till the courage appears to go head first into almost certain oblivion?
Or is there another that i can find the courage and then go in for the kill exuding confidence and an acceptable manner?
I guess i will just have to see what works best for me.

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2 : Rain, school and no sleep.

2007-10-29T20:49:55+01:00

The title pretty much sums up my couple of days.
Spent about 4 hours in Brighton on Sunday, although it was raining, the shopping was undeniabley good, i bought a gorgeous amber necklace...its all shiny haha.
Went back to school today after a week of not resting for half term, it didnt feel much like going back after a half term, more of going back after a long weekend.
And now i have another monotenous week ahead of me.....i hate my IT class, im so going to fail it, i also have to retake maths so i can actually get into a uni - which i have to do or my mother will kill me....gah for the pressure. Maths is the only one thing in life that i loath with the largest passion, i find it confusing and frustrating.

But on another note (if i go on about maths i will go mad), my haloween may be spent in the cinema watching a movie that wont be out till next year, or hanging out at one of my guy friends house watching horror films (from behind a pillow/cushion/person). Woo.
I'm off now, work to be done and all.
Be well xxx

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First blog.

2007-10-27T00:26:03+02:00

Hello all ( well anyone reading)
Welcome to my first blog, as it says on my profile, i have stopped denying my adoration for my laptop and have decided to make it my place of free thinking and fast typing.

Currently, i am listening to 30 Seconds to Mars, im in bed, after a hard days work at my place of employment. I'm a saturday girl in a haberdashery for a privatley owned independant store. But they needed me on the linins dept due to a shortage of staff.
I live with my mum and my brother, but my brothers working, he's a bar manager for a resturant, and my mother is leaning over the toilet bowl throwing up after having one too many drinks at her work party thing, that im really not too sure about. All i know is shes pissed, and if i find her there in the morning when i go to work, im going to laugh so hard!

My mother, shes worth a blog all of her own.
She moans at me for not doing things around the house, then makes a mess and leaves it.
She doesnt ask my brother to do stuff and if she does, he doesnt do it and she doesnt moan at him anymore!
Shes a fantastic mother who has done nothing but tried to protect and look after my brother and i, but since the divorce shes regaining the wildside she had to hide.
Shes out more than i am (and for a 41 year old to go out more than a 17 year old thats quite a statement), shes completely vain even though almost everyman she meets DEFINATLEY has dirty thoughts about her (shes quite the looker and im glad i have her nose).
I'm going to have to leave it here as i have to get up tomorow for work and need some sleep that i missed out last night.
I will update soon for anyone who reads and finds remotely interesting/amusing etc
Be well.

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