I think that there must be a point in everyones life when they are too tired of settling, longing from afar and not being able to reach what they hold to so tightly in their hearts. I think im getting to that point where i just want to say everything that i feel. I want to tell the guy i long for just how much he means to me, i want to tell my dad how pathetic he is sometimes, i want to tell my grandma that times have changed and just because i dont have a boyfriend does not mean i wont get married ever and i want to tell my ex just exactly why i broke up with him.
But i cant.
Mainly beacause i dont know how to.
How do i approach a conversation in which to potentially insult my family, embarass my friends and myself. But more importantly where do i pluck the courage to do it from? I've done roughly 3 truely couragous things in my life, one of which was when i was too young to understand the true gravity of the situation, one when i was bold enough to confront the matter and one where i could not do anything else but what i did. But the courage then was purely from adrenalin and fear.
But as i get older and i learn from my own silly mistakes i feel that the courage to do these things just doesnt manifest the way it used to.
By being too self concious of my self and how people will judge me im losing the ability to do what i should do, what i could do, but ultimately what i wont do.
Does this mean that i have to tackle my issues head on and wait till the courage appears to go head first into almost certain oblivion?
Or is there another that i can find the courage and then go in for the kill exuding confidence and an acceptable manner?
I guess i will just have to see what works best for me.