Quiet things that people should know

Athough normally the sound of running water makes me want to pee so bad, the sound of rain outside and hitting the glass of the window is supprisingly reassuring. It makes me feel like no matter the situation inside the house, i still have my home to protect me from the cold or the wet. It's nice and comforting.
And after repainting my nails (in the dark but amazingly successful) and a fag i ponced off my brother that he still doesnt know about, the rain is a welcome attribute to the crappy week ive been having. Although i love the rain it just fits with my mood.
The fag chilled me out (im not a smoker, i barely have had any and i dont buy my own so i think it doesnt count ha! but i can understand why you could be).
The nails were chipped and faded and in dire need of a good paint job.
And to top it all off the rain occumpanied by mr Robbie Williams' cover of 'somewhere beyond the sea'.
A fine way to spend my time that should be spent sleeping. Or working but who does school work at gone 12? not me!!
With lava lamp in full flow and droopy eyelids sleep beckons, and right now, im not one to put up any kind of resistance.

After seeing my ex parade around, new girl friend in toe after all of about 3 days of our break up, i have made the conclusion that it is ok to be single. I hope.
We were together for 5 months, i didnt see him that much, he was VERY clingy, always asking if i was ok, was i alright? etc and he never shaved his bloody chin! The stubble burn was very itchy!
I am now on my own, but i can do what i want, flirt with whoever i want and its fun to be able to do those things.
BUT, i seriously miss kissing. Its strange but true, i miss it completely, the warmth, the intimacy, the simple feeling.
Damn him and his younger girlfriend (and thats saying something as im only 17).
I guess im just trying to convice myself that i dont need a boyfriend, no matter how much i miss kissing.

I do not know what i can do.
I HAVE to go to uni, and Bournemouth looks soo good, but i got a D for maths, and all the courses i want to do have recommendations of at least a C in maths (WHY? THEYRE ALL FUCKING MEDIA COURSES!!)
I know that i still have another year of college but i really want to get in somewhere good!!! SO BAD!!!
I missed the chance to do a retake, but surely there must be a way around it!
I have a year to figure it out...
And in the mean time, im going to continue with my english coursework!
I WILL FIGURE IT OUT!!

I think that there must be a point in everyones life when they are too tired of settling, longing from afar and not being able to reach what they hold to so tightly in their hearts. I think im getting to that point where i just want to say everything that i feel. I want to tell the guy i long for just how much he means to me, i want to tell my dad how pathetic he is sometimes, i want to tell my grandma that times have changed and just because i dont have a boyfriend does not mean i wont get married ever and i want to tell my ex just exactly why i broke up with him.
But i cant.
Mainly beacause i dont know how to.
How do i approach a conversation in which to potentially insult my family, embarass my friends and myself. But more importantly where do i pluck the courage to do it from? I've done roughly 3 truely couragous things in my life, one of which was when i was too young to understand the true gravity of the situation, one when i was bold enough to confront the matter and one where i could not do anything else but what i did. But the courage then was purely from adrenalin and fear.
But as i get older and i learn from my own silly mistakes i feel that the courage to do these things just doesnt manifest the way it used to.
By being too self concious of my self and how people will judge me im losing the ability to do what i should do, what i could do, but ultimately what i wont do.
Does this mean that i have to tackle my issues head on and wait till the courage appears to go head first into almost certain oblivion?
Or is there another that i can find the courage and then go in for the kill exuding confidence and an acceptable manner?
I guess i will just have to see what works best for me.